Time.

I got tired sometimes. Of my own behavior. I don't know whether I should blame myself or what but I swear it's getting worst. Especially when there are always things to turn off my mood so easily, that's when things really slide down the hill. I have caused so much disappointments during this holiday (mostly to my parents and love), I am pretty much aware of it but well then, I am just so wrong right now. Perplexed. It's as if I have lost myself. 

Well maybe then, I merely need a glass of water. 

Moving on, yesterday was me and Amir's eight months together :') Alhamdulillah, syukur. What more could I ask for, he has been there, stuck with me for the whole eight months, he must be real. Of course, he is. As for my holiday, I'm loving it actually. Though I am so tired right now, only 2 days ago I got back from JB with my parents. This holiday is going to be hard to let go. So far, it has held so much. And I am definitely not ready for an ending.

xox

16th

Hi ;)


I'm eighteen. As in 18, as in lapan belas, as in old, as in legal, as in.....

Still got long way to go for 18 and accepting the fact, that is.

Enjoy your young ages, people.

xox

I am terrified. You know, that feeling when you finally get something, and then you have your instinct telling you, "you're gonna lose one thing, in return". I am beyond scared right now. I swear.

7

I don't know if this post would turn out to be one of those cliche-much posts that people who are in love tend to write about; of how magical, incredibly amusing the feelings he/she is giving you from inside and out. Well, I'm just about to begin and smile already spreading my face so wide it hurts both my cheeks and lips. Surely I could begin with words like "No." Oh alright apology that's the previous post. I don't know, I'm loving this. I have so much clouding up in my mind, it makes my hands go all sweaty in this really cold/cuddly weather, when they should not have at all. I'm loving all of these mixed emotions, because mixes always taste good at the end of the day, if the ingredients are well-defined. Damn, I might just be one of those writers writing down cliches on love. 

But then again, love is cliche. It's only a feeling after all, isn't it? 

Moving on. Hehehehehehehe can I seriously stop giggling right after I put a question mark to end this sentence? Right, sheeeeesh I'm working on it! Okay um well, the picture up there speaks a thousand three hundred twenty four million of feelings and thoughts and words and loves and cares and everything more. He was just a stranger friend, like someone you knew of existed and was a friend to most of your friends but you never really had a "we're friends" kinda thing going on. You know.. 

He was just that. 

His presence pretty much added up to much more laughs and awesome nights in January, February and well, the months go on and on and on and on. He was a really good companion, I swear he was. Things did not happen that well, shit happened and to be honest there was just a lot that came to stop by to take a peek on our progression which stopped at one certain time that throbbed my heart apart, so deeply apart that I cannot even imagine going back to that place again, that is just a no-no. Gosh, back then there was just too much of denials. Jealousy that was never spoke of. So much, too much. 

Denials gave in eventually and egos falling slowly and feelings took both hearts to alignment...

He was just that, but now he is my boyfriend, my best friend, my loyal ears, my shopping companion, my laughing gas, my enemy, my scandal, my gossip partner, my companion, my protector, my everything, I shall say (as cliche as it might sound but yeah whatever.)

It has been seven beautiful months. I had boundless fun with him, especially when I got to see him everyday since he was here :D Long distance, how impressive that we have gone through it, I shall say successfully. It was hard. Trust me, the hardship was unthinkable I swear. Hard for both. Wow I am amused as I write down this myself. It was just hard. But well distance, a great teacher of course. If you have will to be taught, that is. Distance sucks for it made me so clingy, so dependent that going on a day without talking to each other (we never had that, ever) seemed so suicidal. It made me anxious and tired and angry and mad and sad and depressed and lonely and the list goes on.

But we made it. Through it all. Together. I, frankly, never had dreams of working a long distance relationship because it sounded so ludicrous to me back then. Come on, long distance... "How can they (them who had this long distance) stand not to see each other everyday? And how about the missing part? How about all of that?" And even more of doubtful questions. Got em answered :) I looked forward to see him, every week because that was as possible as it got, (but then the longest that we did not meet was three whole weeks and it bugged me like hardcore.) though truth be told, I looked forward to see him everyday because that's just how we were before long distance came in. We spent so much times together, and we had so much fun. That's the hardest part, not having to go anywhere with him, to have him all day by your side. 

But we coped. Trust issues were here and there, jealousy (so much of that especially when far) because one thing when you enter university life, all the sayings as in "you will meet more people, you just won't survive it" Woish fuck all that words, literally. For certain that is, if you want to make it work, it'll work somehow. That's just it. 

Well, now that we're in our holiday, it all goes back to normal, as if we never parted. Surely, the next goodbye will kill me. 

I love you, 

xox

"No."

Hello. Hi. Well, it has been exactly 8 days since the holiday started and I haven't left so much time wasting it. I had so much fun for the past 8 days, more fun actually when last Saturday hit. I kinda like the fact that I spent equally between my family's and friends' and boyfriend's time. It's like I ain't even realize it until now. And I am grateful for it.

One thing more fun than ever. This upcoming 16th. Oh. My. God. You won't just believe me because I won't either. It's coming so near, mere days and my heart just stops beating every time I think of it. I had an early dinner with my brothers today and the whole thing came up there. I told them "I'm going to be 18 soon! Can you guys like believe it!?" So as well as I might know of, so very well, the answer was a solid "No." With zero facial expression and yeah just a "No." A "No." itself sounds so bad, even written down, it still echos. A "No." is like "No bitch you can't be fucking 18." kinda "No." Like it must.. Uh I don't know. I guess I am still too/very/so/really/is young for them. I am still their little sister in every way and I assured them that. Like come on, they know me so well I won't just be like say "No." like "No. Imma change once I turn 18. I won't be your lil sis anymore." kinda "No." I'm still gonna be me. Just with a one year up of age. 

But God knows how I really would feel.




Old.

xox

THIS.

1) Cook him his favorite meal.

2) Treat him to the arcade and play one on one.

3) Learn three guitar chords and make him a song.

4) Join him in his favorite Sports game at least once.

5) Kiss him when he least expects it.

6) Leave a note in his bag pack telling him how much you’ll miss him.

7) Offer him a whole body massage.

8) Invite him over to the rooftop and stargaze all night.

9) Watch the sunset together.

10) Bring him to where you first met and then order the same thing.

11) Get drunk together at least once in your lifetime on a weekend.

12) Sing to him live — in front of his friends.

13) Send him a bouquet of flowers — for a change!

14) Walk hand in hand by the beach, barefoot.

15) Spray your cologne on his favorite shirt.

16) Spray your cologne all over his bed!

17) Don’t forget to tell him how much you love him at least once everyday.

18) Get on boat ride together. Let him row. Bring an umbrella.

19) While watching a movie in a theatre, whisper in his ear about your plans together later.

20) Always give him a long, mingling kiss before parting ways.

21) Wear his clothes.

22) Find a secluded place to lie and watch the stars.

23) Oils/ incense/ candles/ black lights and music make for great cuddling.

24) Kiss at every chance you get.

25) Cuddle up together and watch a romantic video/DVD.

26) Blindfold your date and take him to his favourite places.

27) Lightly kiss his collarbone and his jawbone just below the ear, then whisper “I love you”.

28) Keep your guy´s photo on the ledge while you take a bubble bath.

29) Go for a long walk on the beach at midnight.

30) Do oil portraits of each other.

31) Write poetry for each other.

32) Kiss/smell his hair.

33) Hugs are the universal medicine.

34) Say “I love you” only when you mean it and make sure he knows you mean it.

35) Give random gifts of flowers/ chocolates/ poetry, etc.

36) Tell him that he´s the only guy you would ever want – and mean it.

37) Spend every possible second together.

38) Tell him that he doesn´t need to do anything he doesn´t want to – and mean it.

39) Look into each other´s eyes.

40) Very lightly push up his chin, look into his eyes, tell him you love him, and kiss him lightly.

41) Talk to each other using only body language and your eyes.

42) When in public, only flirt with each other.

43) Walk behind him and put your hands in his front pockets.

44) Put love notes in his pockets when he isn´t looking.

45) Buy your guy some funky bathing or boxing shorts and write your name on the inside tag.

46) Buy him a ring with both your initials on it.

47) Keep one of his photos somewhere where you see it everyday.

48) Sing to each other.

49) Read to each other.

50) PDA = Public Display Of Affection.

51) Take advantage of any time alone together.

52) Tell him about how you answered every question in math with his name.

53) Draw something.

54) Let him sit on your lap.

55) Go hiking and camp out.

56) Lips were made for kissing, so were eyes, fingers, cheeks, collarbones, hands and ears.

57) Kiss his stomach.

58) Always hold him around his hips and sides.

59) Guys like half-shirts.

60) Take him to dinner.

61) Spaghetti? Feed it to him in a sexy way (like in Lady and the tramp).

62) Hold his hand, stare into his eyes, kiss his hand and then put it over your heart.

63) Unless you can feel his heart beating, you aren´t close enough.

64) Dance together.

65) Sit infront of a roaring fire and be affectionate.

66) Watch him sleep with his head in your lap.

67) If you´re strong (or he´s lightweight), carry him to bed if he´s fallen asleep at his house and leave a note before you leave.

68) Trampolines are fun, so jump on one together.

69) Do a puzzle together.

70) Stay up very late.

71) Do cute things like “I love you” in a note backwards.

72) Make excuses to call him every five minutes.

73) Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say “I love you”.

74) Call from your holiday spot to tell him you were thinking about him.

75) Remember your dreams and tell him about them.

76) Ride your bike 12 kilometres just to see him for a few hours.

77) Ride home and call him.

78) Tell each other your most sacred secrets and fears.

79) Somehow incorporate him into any kind of religion you have.

80) Be princess perfect to his parents (brownie points).

81) Discuss your dreams.

82) Brush his hair out of his face for him.

83) Stay up all night to think of 101 ways to be sweet to his parents.

84) Hang out with his friends (more brownie points).

85) Go to church together.

86) Take him to see a romantic movie and remember the parts he liked.

87) Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night.

88) Learn from each other and don´t make the same mistake twice.

89) Everyone deserves a second chance.

90) Describe the joy you feel just to be with him.

91) Make sacrifices for each other.

92) Really love each other, or don´t stay together.

93) Write a fictional story about how you met/fell in love, etc. and give it to him.

94) Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren´t thinking about him, and make sure he knows it.

95) Stand up for him when someone is trashing him.

96) Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.

97) Invent new nicknames for each other.

98) Fall asleep on the phone with each other.

99) Never forget the kiss goodnight and always remember to say “Sweet dreams!”

Thanks a lot to Google I guess, plans on my mind are there in words. Hehehe. The ones in strike-through are impossible in every way. The ones in bold are the must-knows or mere basics. The ones in italic are things I had in my mind for so long, just waiting for the time >;) And oh the bold + italic one, which is the only one is what I am going to do a.s.a.p. Damn I wish I knew how to sew :(((

Well, wish me luck. Good day!

xox

When you're on a holiday,

I would want to begin with some unusual approach or um with somewhat different post for it is October and I am in my bed, blogging straight from my dream land and the first semester in university is completely over and done. I swear my heart is celebrating every fact aforesaid. 

Khrkhr hi. I don't know if having moods for blogging would seem necessary anymore, I could just burst it all in words but again, to put down in words won't picture the same. Anyway, I am still holding the grip loosely in my bare hands that I have gone through my first semester, have gone through all the hardship of long distance with my family, friends and love. Have gone through some really lonely moments. Have gone through it all. The subjects were pretty much good to me especially in the final examination. Mere Econs, mere it. Don't let me start with Econs for it would cause some crucial offence towards Econs itself ( as if it had a heart). Wow I crap. Well, life in campus, I would say though it was a bit tough, I am never halt being grateful for the existence of my two lovely friends for always, always cheering me up, always made stupid jokes and laughed like we really meant it, sharing stories and tears, and a whole lot more. Them make me feel belonged. As well as my roommates. Though I had some terrible moments of staying away and silence with them, I just love having them as my roommates. For one, we can talk about the most random things and still got away with em. We sang so many songs on top of our lungs, on nights where stress strike. Still, we can talk about life and all its wonders though we were just roommates but their existence brought that sense again. What's not to be grateful about? :) 

I had my fair share of great moments and the other with my classmates. Even though I was only close to Atiqah and Izzati, but well my classmates were still there at times. I had fun with em. The trips to anywhere we did. Stuck in Ipoh for hours, trying to find the way back even how many times we went there, none remember thoroughly. I swear roads in Ipoh are bitches. Hahaha we all cannot stand it. To Teluk Batik, overnights, and well much more. 

Mhm okay well enough with reminisce all the great memories. Moving on to plans. Yes I am in my holiday for 7 weeks more :)) Many plans have been made but never mind them. I'm gonna do as what I want to do. Plans suck. Um still waiting for my love to come home though. 7th, should come faster. Aite good day!

xox