I'm at my highest point of wonder right now. I'm (perhaps not obviously but would soon be when I further explain of my circumstances) in my campus at Perak. And I am proudly admitting that I am the most lifeless teenager you would ever find in the entire world. So as the continuation to my point stated above (that I'm currently at my highest point of wonder) I would rather just sleep all day in bed, in my room, at my home, around the people that I belong to and to the places which never were familiar. I'm always perplexed when it comes to this. It was such a grandiose (somewhat lesser than that, I'm too ignorant of my vocab right now) moment at the very first moments of entering this place. I can remember how all the things were grown -never out of of proportion (maybe it did but so littlest that I could ever remember of), things were fine last semester. I got roommates that were close and crazy, they were perfect distractions of all the mixed emotions back then. I got no problems (this might be a lie, I got some but not too much of a some) and life was easy.
Now where all the good things go to this semester? I am lifeless. I am less than a human already, I always daydream and nothing seems to feel worthy anymore. ALL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS LONESOMENESS THAT I FEEL EVERY SINGLE NIGHT THAT HOMESICKNESS FEELING THAT YOU FEEL EVERY SINGLE DAY ALL THE PAIN AND TEARS AND CURFEWS AND TESTS AND FUCKING MINDLESS KAMPUNG PEOPLE AND FATIQUE AND SACRIFICE AND LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP AND ASSIGNMENTS AND MORNING CLASSES AND GOOD FUCKING RESULT THE FUCKING DEAN LIST RESULT AND FUCKING JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE CHANGES THE DISTANCE FROM THE PLACES THE PEOPLE I KNOW MY PARENTS MY HOME MY BROTHERS MY BOYFRIEND MY HAPPINESS. ALL GONE ALL FUCKING GONE ALL FUCKING GONE. Now I start to wonder whether all these motherfuckers are worth it or not.
Now, everyone's life seems to be forever on cloud-9 especially those who deal with only some of those motherfuckers stated above. Lucky you people. Lucky you. You never have to deal with this for now, BUT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THESE FOR MORE YEARS TO COME AND CAN YOU IMAGINE MY SITUATION NOW? This is not where I belong even though I've grown comfortable with this place and the ignorance that I put in is increasing day by day because all I ever wanted to do here is study my ass off in order to gain a good future. Now, future. Back to future LOL WUT I don't even know whether my future is even existed though. None of you know.
So my question is now, does it worth everything that I've gone through and will go through and will it ever be worth it?
