I am watching Blue Valentine right now as I type this I actually paused the movie for awhile because it hits me just how it would feel like for me to actually settle down. I mean I always wanted to settle down, to have kids blablabla. You know, I bet all of us girls had some names they already created for their future kids. Come back to think of it, it's such a nice thought, having it (the idea of settle down) ever so securely, you know what I mean? Like, you already have someone who wants to settle down with you. I know I'm 19, I know, but I don't care. I like feeling safe, I'm reckless but somehow, the security is somewhat mesmerizing. It's good to have something steady for a long period of time, and keep on having it so securely. I want it. I want it bad. It's like I don't know. Get me?
So yesterday, I helped a friend out, giving advice thoroughly regarding relationship. Hahahah I know sounds so ludicrous. I mean come on, look to me, I mean look really closely. I'm broken, man. My relationship alone is such a mess, yet I could still give excellent advice to people in need. I don't get myself, really. Not to brat, but really I have always been a great listener towards friends' love stories. I helped and listened a lot. But then, fuck it. Why can't I take them advice that I have given and really, just implement it in my life? My love life? Damn man. Why is this so hard? Ugh. He even told me that I'm so matured regarding what the hell that we discussed about then. GOSH WHY JUST WHY. I'm so mad at myself. I guess I'm meant to be alone? I don't know. Please let me be a great great counselor la, I'm so sick of my problems already. Let me fix your heart, dear broken hearts out there. Just let me so.
