At this point right here, I could tell by my heart that I am in no way at all having the slightest bit of idea or faith of what more life would lead me to. I hate saying or clarifying the fact that I may somehow along the path of disappointments and struggles that losing faith is one of those nightmares I have to face. But now that it seems stronger on the out and the inside, I won't try to be in denial just because I know I'm good at that, no I won't. I now am certain that I'm losing it day by day. The faith, the urge, the interest, everything. Nothing holds interest for me any longer. Like how it used to be. As if disappointments await me in the face every time I'm about to do something good. Hoping also feels unnecessary. Expecting is even worst. Optimisms are bullshits. I don't know what went wrong. As if 1A for the GCE holds no one attention. Or yea maybe it does not. I was just day dreaming. I don't want me to be losing. Just because pain is bearable does not mean my future could stand it in any way. Let's just pray for the best. Till then, maybe I would just enjoy this crushed moment before it is vanished.
xx
