Somehow we all are vaguely aware of these little times we may have until everything changes in a trice. High school closed its curtains long ago, that was something bearable, at least until now. Coming up to school and indeed breathing in and out of the cool breeze once healed every morning of every day; the perplexed morning consisted of victory probable or despondent matter messed each heads of SPM 2010 candidates thoroughly. Those also have passed. Results were seen and heard by many but no tears and regrets were mentioned, at least not out loud.
I was crushed. It was worst than anything I've ever felt to be true. You know, to know your ability so much and how much efforts you have poured out for it but at the end of the road, you got em losing anyway. Well at least I got that many As, an 1A for 1119(GCE-0), that English Cambridge little thing down there on the bottom of the slip, a B for my baby Chemistry. What went wrong is how absurd it was to be accepted, the As I got are lesser than the oh-so-harder-than-SPM TRIAL. Fuck all bullshits about once you did great in Trial, SPM you'll do better. Oyeah. Better for Add Maths at least. It's hard you know, seeing them people scored that great. But somehow, I do believe things happen for reasons. Until then, may I find the reasons. Insya-Allah.
Anyway, it's already the end of March. And I am freaking out. Months have always been essential for me, them are something to go through, like endings. If it's fated then, foundation studies are in on May. May as in two months left. Am I prepared, are we all prepared, I can't say much. It's nothing to be reached out yet, I have absolutely no idea when will I be prepared for entering University. College life. I have it in me that excitement, than joviality to experience some more, to go back to studying I have missed so much yeah and all that, but I don't have it me to picture myself being sent abroad or far to study, far from home, from mum and dad, from siblings, from friends, from the places you once knew and spent so much time at. Pardon me, but it is hard. Even to revolve my mind thinking of any possibilities is hard enough. These undoubtedly anxiousness and fears are taking me at a very slow pace down under, even going to the expo for myself seemed to be awkward. All this while, I went there for my brothers, but today I went there for me, for my future. Overwhelming might be the exact correct word and feeling at this very moment.
Whatever it is, you just gotta have faith and put a little trust in you that you could make it through. Till then.
xx
I was crushed. It was worst than anything I've ever felt to be true. You know, to know your ability so much and how much efforts you have poured out for it but at the end of the road, you got em losing anyway. Well at least I got that many As, an 1A for 1119(GCE-0), that English Cambridge little thing down there on the bottom of the slip, a B for my baby Chemistry. What went wrong is how absurd it was to be accepted, the As I got are lesser than the oh-so-harder-than-SPM TRIAL. Fuck all bullshits about once you did great in Trial, SPM you'll do better. Oyeah. Better for Add Maths at least. It's hard you know, seeing them people scored that great. But somehow, I do believe things happen for reasons. Until then, may I find the reasons. Insya-Allah.
Anyway, it's already the end of March. And I am freaking out. Months have always been essential for me, them are something to go through, like endings. If it's fated then, foundation studies are in on May. May as in two months left. Am I prepared, are we all prepared, I can't say much. It's nothing to be reached out yet, I have absolutely no idea when will I be prepared for entering University. College life. I have it in me that excitement, than joviality to experience some more, to go back to studying I have missed so much yeah and all that, but I don't have it me to picture myself being sent abroad or far to study, far from home, from mum and dad, from siblings, from friends, from the places you once knew and spent so much time at. Pardon me, but it is hard. Even to revolve my mind thinking of any possibilities is hard enough. These undoubtedly anxiousness and fears are taking me at a very slow pace down under, even going to the expo for myself seemed to be awkward. All this while, I went there for my brothers, but today I went there for me, for my future. Overwhelming might be the exact correct word and feeling at this very moment.
Whatever it is, you just gotta have faith and put a little trust in you that you could make it through. Till then.
xx
