Listen, I don't know about you, but for me, a person acts upon certain things in that certain ways that they are for a reason. It is just absurd, for someone (a human) to act just because. You know why? Because those things made them who they are. Those events that may come out as a mystery that nobody knows about may be the mother of all reason for what they are now, or how they act upon certain things.
Friends, clearly, you don't know my story.
You don't. And how sad it is that the person that I thought knows so well about my being and how I have been hurt before could come out as a shield that protects me from other's judgement towards my every action came out as a threaten that choked me up like a tight rope strangled around my neck, choked me to the death of existence and happiness. I don't care about what they say, it's what you think and know about me that disappoint me. Well. Life, how much more sad it could be.
I think you have forgotten. Forgotten all the ways that you have loved me before, all the feelings that you once felt towards me, all the sacrifice and tears I have shed for you just because you finally reach that time of your life (which I clearly understand so well). You grow closer to people and you grow apart from me. Isn't it saddening? It is. It can drive me insane, even.
You know what's the worst part of it all? I cannot feel anything. I merely feel like I want the world to stop and miracle happens that he could fall in love with me again. I screw up I know. But he does not know how hurt I am to see how often and how close he sees his new friends (and a girl), even much more than me. It's not about dissatisfaction or whatnots, but he must understand how I need time to take it all in. That changes happen between us, that I cannot prevent. That I feel so helpless about, even how many times I have tried.
I am helpless. Always helpless. I merely want to save us. Because I don't want to go that far (with him) with another guy in my life. No more. I won't. He's the last and if I cannot keep him and bear this pain, I would have left for real long before. But instead I stay. And I will never give up even how many times I know I should.
